Deal Lily,

I am getting good at eating pussy. My sexual partner is keeping her pussy clean and I am able to lick her to the point of her having an orgasm every time. With this practical experience I am on the way to become a spectacular pussy eater.

H Nutsack

Tuesday

Ok, so I came on a bit strong in my last letter. I just wanted to you know that I am fantastic at licking pussy. Heck, you serve up your clean and fresh smelling pussy I will eagerly get off and lick your pussy until you have an orgasm.

Now to continue this conversation further I would need to know from you if you like give head. Your Wikipedia entry stated that you gave head at a very early agee. You were actually underage before sucking cock.

The company I work for has a strict policy of before messing around with any of the chicks we need to see two pieces of ID. As the saying goes at PornRasta.com “They throw your ass in jail when you go after the underage tail.”

So there you have it for a Tuesday.

Harry

Wednesday

Haven’t herd back from you. I borrowed some of my buddies midget porn and jerked off over that today. I was able to spend two hours of watching “Bang A Midget.” Watched and jerked to all the episodes from the website. I’ve include the link at the bottom of this message for you.

Reason why I’m telling you this, is if there is any possible why for us to maintain a relationship you must realize that you will see me jerking off. Yes you will come into the room, right after us having sex, watching me masturbating of me fucking you. I look forward to the day I can fuck you while video tape us fucking, while on the TV is showing a compilation video of all our fucks.

Linking to Bang A Midget

Thursday

Showed up for work today. My manager asked me how contact with Lily is going. I told him I send you an email but have not heard back from you yet. He advised me to see if the email address I’m using is correct. I’ve being sending these emails to lilyallenmusic@yahoo.com.

I hope you are receiving these emails. I’ve attached a link to this site of my penis so you can see it. The link is right here. I figure if by some weird chance you see my penis you will know that someone, a fuck ninja is out there to make sweet love to you baby.

I would massage your feet. Kiss your knees. Lick your nipples until they turn hard. Finger fuck. Lick your pussy. Stick my cock in your mouth. Lick you asshole. Apply lube to your ass. Stick my cock in your asshole. Fuck you and cum in side your ass. Watch you shit out my cum from your asshole.

Harry Nutsack

Editors note: Removed link to Harry Nutsacks penis. Really do you want to see his penis?

Friday

I’m going out tonight. I sat by my computer all day today. I focused my brainwave patterns to your general location. I’m based in Toronto and looked up on Google maps where London UK is. So I can face it from my location. I sat in the Lotus position and circled back my energy to send you a telepathic message. What can I say. I’m desperate now. I only have until Monday before I get in deep shit if I do not hear back from you.

Man I’m going to get torn up one side and the next by my boss. I was tasked to see if all my love letters to Lily Allen would achieve an answer from her. I went to bed early all this week. Didn’t hit the booze. Went to the gym. Ate good and healthy. And Nothing. Didn’t hear a fucking thing. What the fuck.

Oh well…

Saturday

To busy to write. Will write more tomorrow

Sunday

I have my coffee and it taste good. The look-a-like Lily Allen whore just left my fuck room. I was able to pay her and additional $100 to video tape our session. I performed the following for 30minutes:

Deep French kissing
Lick her asshole
Put little finger in to her asshole
She tossed my salad
She teabagged me

She sucked my cock and let me cum in her mouth while I had a dildo in my asshole (sex term called Banana Republic)

So fuck the real Lily Allen. I wish I could. But she’s in the UK I’m in the T.dot.

Harry Nutsack

If you want to be happy for the rest of your life marry an ugly women. Seriously. Smart men through out the ages have done it. This is due the scientific fact that men with ugly wives have the lowest amount of stress. It stems from the fact that the ugly wife gives you a piece of mind.

Take Jake for example. He has two bicycles. One is a sweet ride and turns heads everywhere he rides her. She is an awesome looking bike. The bicycle has top of the line components and is a pleasure to look at. Jake’s head swells with all the admiration that he receives from this bike. Other cyclist, strangers, people Jake respects, or have nice rides themselves have all complemented Jake on his bicycle.
But this does not come with out its own issues.

Jake cannot just hop on this bike and go to the local beer store with it. No. He has to put on his special bike shoes. Get out three heavy duty bike locks. Find a well lighted, safe, area to park his bike. It is a high maintenance machine. The overhead is just too much. Needless to say if Jake drinks a lot this can really become an issue.

Jake has to bring his bike into his house for fears of thieves.

His other bike is like a 10 year old Subaru and makes Jake feel like the invisible man. He calls it his beater bike, and it is just plain Jane. It will not get a second glance from anyone. Even from people who know bikes. But that is its special ability. The bike rides smooth, breaks work like a charm, and gears change smoothly. Sure it may be a bit heavy, but that is part of its charm. It is not any heavier then any other shitty bike. But he can lock this bike anywhere in the city and no one is going to touch it.

Your probably see where this is going. The uglier the chick the less you have to worry.

Men are pigs. You know it and I know it. You introduce me to your wife/girlfriend sister/daughter/female cousin/mother/grandmother, basically any female that is of legal age and me being a breathing fully functional heterosexual male will have mentally sex them up in 50 different ways.

Using these smucks as an example: Nick Lacky and Ashley Simpson. (Sorry to infiltrate your brain with this popular culture reference and bring their names to your conscious awareness). But all you need to know is Nick was married to Ashley but they broke up.

Nick, being your imaginary friend in this scenario, and you are planning to go on a camping trip. You go and pick him up at his house. As he putting things in your car, you are hoping to catch a glimpse of his hot wife. So you will have some mental masturbation material to use down the road. Somewhere in the back of your male brain you are processing the chances of fucking her.

It really makes it awkward for everyone involved. Getting drunk with Nick will suck. A few beers in you and you find yourself struggling to maintain self control over telling him that you want to fuck his wife up her tight asshole using only spit as a lubricant.

Now lets say before your camping trip you forgot something at your house and need to go back to pick it up. You, taking the advice of this author have a butt ugly chick at home. Dude, you can send Nick into your house to pick up the fishing license you forgot on your beside table right beside your masturbating wife and you will not have anything to worry about.

You my friend will sleep good on that camping trip with only the worry of slipping out that you want to cock choke his wife. Meanwhile Nick has to work about every male out there.

Sleep good with this beside you

I do physical labor.
I work at great depths.
I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
I work in a damp environment.
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
I work in high temperatures.
My work exposes me to contagious diseases.
Sincerely,
P. Niss

The Response:

Dear P. Niss:

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

You do not work 8 hours straight.
You fall asleep after brief work periods.
You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.
You do not take initiative – you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
You don’t always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.
You will retire well before you are 65.
You are unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave you r designated work area before you have completed the assigned task.
And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.

Sincerely,

V. Gina

Symbol: WO.

Atomic weight: ‘Don’t even go there’.

Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze at any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if not used well.

Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity to gold, silver, platinum, and precious gemstones. Violent when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a better specimen.

Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.

Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.

A packer.

Unfortunately they have had more pussy then you

The battle of musical genres my have had their lines blurred. But the style of music put for a power on the pussy that cannot be fully comprehended by listeners. So what we have are leaders in their respective genre providing insight to the female fans.

Link